“The only way to make it through these trying times is with massive amounts of chocolate.” and yes, you may quote me 😉
Tag Archives: funny quotes
Me: God that key lime pie was good!
Myself: Glad you’re feeling better.
I: I am too…she let us have pie! Yay!
Me: I wasn’t feeling bad. I’m just sick of getting no help around here. I’m only one person you know…
Myself: You could have fooled me. You’ve been saying for years that you don’t need anyone’s help.
I: Especially no stinking man!
Me: I know right, that’s what I have B.O.B. for. He doesn’t leave clothes lying around, demand my time, bore me with stories I’ve heard a hundred times or not put things back in their place. I have you two for that! He just does his job and he does a damn good job at that!
Myself: What a lonely life that must be…
I: Oh Snap…you should have just left well enough alone, she was in a better mood and I know for a fact…she was gonna break out bob! Damn you!
Me: *winking* I still am…This girl doesn’t get lonely! 😉
Me: Can you believe that woman at the grocery store?
Myself: I know right!
I: So much for random acts of kindness.
Me: Oh no, I won’t let her sorry ass stop me!
Myself: I mean, all you did was give the cashier a dollar when she was short. There was no reason for her to say “Listen here Bitch…”
I: No, there wasn’t but your response was EPIC!
Me: *smiling that little smirk she smiles* Yeah “If by Bitch you mean Beautiful, Intelligent, Talented, Charming and Honest, I’m all ears…anything else and you better back the fuck up!”
Myself: Did you see the look on her face! She didn’t know whether to shit or wind her watch!
I: Can we have some ice cream as a treat? I mean, you did a good deed…we should reward our self…
Me: I wanted to laugh when she picked up her bag and walked out without even so much as a thank you. It was hysterical!
Myself: What I thought was hysterical was the cute young guy in line behind you asking if he could have your number as he said he thought you were the most generous, brilliant badass he’d ever seen.
I: What I thought was even funnier was the way she politely shot him down! *giggling*
Me: Yeah well, I did it because I knew he only wanted to feel me up too…
Myself: Well, I know the cashier was impressed. She just gushed at how nice you were to do something so sweet for such a jerk. You really are a Bitch *smirking that smirk again*
I: That you are! Seriously, can we please have some ice cream now?
Me: Ah…B.O.B. How do I love thee…Let me count the ways…One…two…three
Myself: Don’t you have a research assignment to do and a book that’s on a deadline?
I: Oh, God! Five…
Me: Can’t you just shut up and let me enjoy anything? Do you have to always be thinking? Can’t you just relax and enjoy something for a change? Just let it go and chill?
Myself: Well, one of us has too keep this monster you’ve created moving along…
I: Six, Oh shit…
Me: I do all of that, but there are times I just need…to…Oh…yessssss
I: I’m with her…SHUT THE HELL UP!
Me: My God what a last couple of days!
Myself: Yeah they have been kind of brutal…
I: I know…why don’t we have some chocolate cake, that will help!
Me: No, chocolate cake is not going to help anything. We need rest.
Myself: We do, but you’ve got so much to do. You need to finish that research project, you are three chapters behind on the book you’ve got a deadline on, your Today’s Tease folder is a mess. I could go on for hours…
I: She will go on for hours as soon as you lay down to go to sleep you know…
Me: I know, there’s only one way to shut her up so she’ll let me sleep…
Myself: You don’t play fair. Every time I start reminding you of what you need to do, you threaten me with that, that thing!…It’s just not right.
I: Yes it is, it’s the only way to get real, deep, undisturbed sleep! It’s the most beautiful sleep we get! She should do it every night just to shut you up!
Me: Well, if you didn’t wait until it was 1 am to remind me of everything I have to do and I got more done in a day…I wouldn’t have to break out the heavy artillery…
Myself: Who are you kidding…you love “the heavy artillery”
I: Oh God…I know I love it…break him out! You could break him out 4 times a day and never hear one complaint from me…DO IT…DO IT…DO IT!! *clapping as she sees me going after B.O.B.*
Me: Oh man…
Myself: Now what?
I: This is going to be good!
Me: I need something but I don’t know exactly what it is…
Myself: Food? Water? Sleep?
I: Cake? Please let it be cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!
Me: No, For God’s sake…it’s not cake…It’s more than just cake…I need a day off. A real day off…no kids, no grand kids, no computer, no phone…no technology at all! A spa day perhaps…
Myself: Oh, now that would be nice but you need to think bigger.
I: Can we have cake afterwards?
Me: No! Jesus…what is it with you and sweets all of a sudden? You want to gain back that 100 pounds? Shit woman!
Myself: Seriously, you and that mouth! There is nothing wrong with splurging once in a while, you hardly eat as it is. You really should take better care of yourself and you need more than just a “spa day” Might I suggest you get up, have breakfast, go get a mani-pedi, have a nice long massage…a minimum of 2 hours, have a nice lunch somewhere and then catch that movie you’ve been wanting to see? Then go play some pool and then perhaps…a late dinner?
I: Then…cake! OH…and…B.O.B!!
Me: Mmmmm…That does sound like the perfect day…
Myself: Do it…you owe it to yourself!
I: Just promise…CAKE! Don’t forget the cake!
Me: Jesus…These things are going to drive me crazy! They lose my keys…they want money…they want me to baby sit…they always want something! It’s no wonder I talk to myself…
Myself: “These things” are your children. They have wanted things from you for twenty eight years now. I’d think you’d be used to it by now…
I: Hey…you forgot me…You talk to me too ya know!
Me: I know…and now there’s a whole new generation of “things” to want from me…They want toys and movies and cookies!
Myself: Yes and you wouldn’t want it any other way!
I: Oh, cookies…I want cookies!